I’ve come to accept which i is frequently annoyed with direct people as it pertains with their, sometimes, complete insufficient understanding of homosexuality. Like most of you I have already been asked questions such as, “but don’t you want to know what sex with a woman is like?” or the best, “how will you know you don’t like having sex with girls if you’ve never attempted it.” It is through these stupid questions that I’ve been able to comprehend, although definitely not accept, where gay bashings start from. There is sometimes such too little understanding, and a dread, that some people give themselves (wrongly) the alright to hurt other people – either bodily or verbally.
Last weekend, I was over at my friends place for supper where I had been one of 5 gay men sitting around the dinner table. Alcohol had only started flowing, food was plentiful and the conversation was polite and perhaps a little bit surface – we didn’t all know one another. My friend was talking about how exactly his ex-boyfriend used to always keep his hand, irrespective of where they were, once i stated, “I really like that. I like that he has the self-confidence to push people to accept him as opposed to be concerned that someone may not like it.” Abruptly, from over the table there was a reply, “Well – I think that some gays should get bashed.” Ummm…WHAT?! There was a moment of dead silence, and a feared look all around the desk, before I calmly replied, “It’s people as if you who give direct people authorization to bash us.”
As you can imagine, the debate got heated from there with a four using one scenario. The person who made the comment wouldn’t normally back down or change his view – rather he thought we would further his opinion. At that time I chose to leave the table. I had paid attention to quite enough. I make an effort to educate someone when they make hurtful claims that can very negatively have an effect on people, but I didn’t know very well what to do. There is no understanding how to be done – this man acquired the reality. He was twenty years over the age of me – he’d watched some of his friends expire of Helps, he’d watched his friends fight for equal rights…but he still thought it was okay using situations to hate on other gays.
What do we do, as a community, when one of our own says it’s okay to hate (not make fun of, not dislike, or disagree with – but hate, in the truest sense of the term) a different one of us? Just how do we educate someone who is already educated? As I present this question, exactly like at the dinner I was at, I don’t know what the answer is. An integral part of me thinks that we should have a huge ol’ homosexual community meeting and condemn these individuals…they’re never heading to have sexual intercourse again! Another part of me feels that I will sit back and watch them get bashed rather than do anything if something were to occur to them…that’d teach ‘em! But these exact things aren’t true to who I am. I’d only be increasing the problem easily too partook in the hate.
Since last Fri, I have been contemplating writing this post – wondering easily had enough materials to make my point. I mean, for me personally, it was one man at one social gathering. I don’t think that I’ve came across another homosexual who hates other gays (or at least permits hate of other gays) apart from this one time. Then, out of pure coincidence, two openly homosexual Hollywood directors made statements earlier this week about how they thought that gay actors should stay in the wardrobe. Now – I’ll confess which i didn’t look into these claims very far, mostly out of annoyance, but so how exactly does making responses like this further our reason behind equal rights? Exactly like with the person at my dinner, it just models us back again and makes right people believe they can make the same types of feedback.
My tolerance may be short with these types of people, but in the end education is the most practical method against hate. I understand which i said the person at my dinner party was informed but maybe he’s still having trouble placing two and two together – and if that’s the situation, maybe easily stayed at the desk I possibly could have helped him bridge the space. Perhaps that if something like my dinner happens again, I won’t reason myself. I’ll try to keep cool and keep reiterating the importance of supporting one another, especially in the midst of individuals who aren’t likely to think that homosexuality is “right”. Sometimes being gay is about something bigger than just parties and sex – sometimes it’s about assisting people find approval for others.