Shy gay men locally are terrified to approach men-I’m one of them! It might appear to be we’re extroverts but when it involves issues of the heart, rarely do we’ve the courage of our convictions. Assumptions run outrageous and everything becomes blurred. Below are a few we all tend to have:
#1) “I’m not good enough.”
Anytime we visit a guy who is totally our type, the first thing we feel is how sexually attracted we are to him, then we’re mystified by his charm, then we start placing him on the pedestal. We think he’s too good for us or too hot for all of us, making us believe we’re not worthwhile.
Trust me, we all think these thoughts. But getting the courage of going through it anyway-to actually reject those thoughts and remind ourselves it’s all based from fear-is what separates the boys from the men. We can be in that headspace if you truly try, and over time we will teach our brain to get there faster.
#2) “He’s heading to think I’m creepy and want to have sex with him.”
That is your habit talking. You’re too comfortable not approaching people that if you try to make a fresh habit, your old habit convinces you that you’re a complete cliché-that if you do this new “thing” you’re going to be the most exaggerated form of whatever it is, i.e. a creepy dude. Trust me, the only way you’re going to be creepy is if you are in fact creepy.
#3) “He’s way to avoid it of my league and it’s a tale I’m pretending to be remotely as attractive as him.”
Don’t put a stranger on a pedestal. There have been plenty of guys in my life who I thought were the sexiest thing I’d ever seen initially impression, only to have them glide down the idea system after a couple of days. Many people are sexy the first time you meet them-soak it in, then try to get to a location where appears aren’t a good factor. You already know he’s beautiful. Now try and see what’s under it.
#4) “How do I make it known I’m interested and don’t want to you need to be friends?”
There’s always a worry about being in the friend zone. Our strategy seems to be the same in these situations. We don’t realize that we’re offering ourselves as a friend rather than someone we’re romantically thinking about, so how do we fix it? The simple truth is all it requires is vulnerability-opening yourself up in a manner that he sees your heart rather than the outer layer (which is exactly what friends do). The difference is slight but very clear.
#5) “Imagine if I’m not masculine enough?”
As gay men we seem to worry about this no matter how much pride we’ve in ourselves. It’s implemented inside our brains that masculinity and aggression define us as men, however when you’re a shy person it’s hard to convey it at first impression. However the simple truth that you are getting close to someone represents masculinity in ways no muscle or fitness center membership can. Depend on that.
#6) “He doesn’t desire to be bothered probably. I shouldn’t do it.”
You don’t know what’s in his head, so never assume he’s too busy to be flattered by someone. We’re all humans and love to be strike on-it’s true. Almost any hesitation you have is dread convincing you never to be bold.
#7) “Other people are watching.”
Other people might be watching, but if you’re too focused on that it’s a red flag that you care a significant amount of about what people think. You’re becoming enslaved by a bunch of strangers rather than accomplishing something you really wish to accomplish. What do you have to be humiliated about?
#8) “How the f*ck should i even start?”
It all begins with a smile. That’s it. The tiniest of connections develop into something much more meaningful and actionable. But if you won’t spark it you won’t ever have the open fire.
#9) “He’s going to state no anyway…”
That is your insecurity talking and rarely is it right. You think you’re not good enough for him, therefore you believe he’s going to state no. You are then functioning on the theory he’s going to state no, which you’ve made a decision in your mind. It’s time to unplug yourself from fantasy and live in real life. You’ll make much wiser and braver decisions.
#10) “He appears like he has his sh*t more together than I do. It’s pointless.”
We think a man who appears like he has money, a better job, better family, better everything, isn’t going to look at someone like us. Experienced it been a guy with lesser characteristics than us, we would experienced more courage. This is totally toxic.
There’s a competition most men have with each other: we don’t necessarily need to be the best in the world, but we do have to be better than everyone all around us. It’s intimidating to flirt with a person who we suppose can find someone better. However the thing is we’re not filing for a relationship certificate here, so it’s time we let it go.